Reflection · Relationships
A personal reflection
Family, Friends,and Just Labels.
Growing up, most of us are given definitions we never question.
“A best friend is someone you always hang around with.”
“Family comes first.”
“Blood is thicker than water.”
That last one has never sat right with me. Blood is thicker than water? As a rule for deciding who deserves a place in my life, I think it’s bullshit.
“The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb.”
I connect with that interpretation: the bonds we choose can mean more than the circumstances we are born into. The water of the womb gives you a starting point. It doesn’t decide who will stand beside you.
For me, the strongest bonds have come from people outside my family. People who chose to care. People whose behaviour gave the relationship its meaning.
Why should DNA automatically decide who deserves a place in your life?
Because when you grow up and actually live life, you discover something different.
You realise that people are inconsistent. Not necessarily because they’re bad — but because everyone was raised with a different rulebook. Different expectations. Different versions of loyalty.
So you start asking deeper questions.
What is a friend,
really?
What is family supposed to mean?
Why do we prioritise people based on DNA rather than behaviour?
A friend, for me, is someone who is:
What I value
- Genuine
- Respectful
- Value-aligned
- Non-entitled
- Honest
- Safe to be yourself around
- Present without being chased
What entitlement expects
- Free emotional labour
- Free financial help
- Unconditional forgiveness
- Unlimited tolerance
- Automatic loyalty
Simply because of blood ties.
Family, by that definition, is exactly the same.
But “family” as society uses it? That word is loaded with entitlement.
A simple distinction
Blooddoesn’t guarantee
The healthiest shift I ever made
FamilyIs chosen.
FriendshipIs chosen.
BloodIs incidental.
Some people who share no DNA with you will show up harder than anyone who does.
Some people related to you will drain you dry because they assume they’re entitled to your time, money, energy, and emotional bandwidth.
The line that matters
Cutting off
toxic familyisn’t betrayal.
It’s self-respect.
In adulthood, the line between “friend” and “family” becomes simple:
This isn’t a cold worldview.
It’s a clear one.
A consistent one.
And one that many would share if they dared to ask themselves deeper questions.